


Heart Full of Ghosts

by Winged_Fool



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Past Lives, Doomed Relationship, M/M, Pseudo-Incest, Unrequited Love, roswell secret santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:36:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21922282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winged_Fool/pseuds/Winged_Fool
Summary: Four lifetimes where Alex and Michael don't work and the fifth one they do
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 22
Kudos: 85





	Heart Full of Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EmmaArthur (EchoBleu)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoBleu/gifts).



> For [ emma-arthur](https://emma-arthur.tumblr.com/) who said she liked a good AU and I decided to give her four AU snippets and a canon divergence where they get it right ❤️ happy holidays, I hope you like it! 🎄🎁⛄

_Ancient Rome_

Michael lounges on the chaise, naked with a goblet of wine in one hand, sun pouring into the spacious room and over him. He shifts a bit and tries to take a sip of wine but stops when he hears a huff from across the room. “Just stay still,” Alex admonishes from where he’s sat behind an easel.

“Forgive me, my lord,” Michael responds, dripping of sarcasm. “Perhaps if you were more talented you’d be done now, putting us both out of our misery.”

Alex glares at him over the easel but doesn’t deign Michael with a response. Michael settles in to the chaise and closes his eyes, lulled by the rhythmic sound of Alex’s brush moving across the canvas. He must drift off to sleep because the next thing he knows, Alex is settling onto the chaise with him, after throwing a blanket over Michael. He shifts to give Alex more room and he takes advantage of it by planting a gentle kiss on Michael’s jaw.

“You done?” Michael asks sleepily, moving his head to the side so Alex can rest his head there.

“No,” Alex replies, voice tinged with a bit of annoyance. “You fell asleep and kept twisting around.”

“Sorry, love,” his grin indicates he’s anything but.

Alex kisses the smug look off Michael’s face, “You know this just means you’ll have to keep posing until I finish.”

“You have so many portraits of me already, why do you need more?” Michael whines.

“One portrait can hardly capture your beauty,” Alex murmurs against his lips. He brings his hands up to cradle Michael’s face and kiss him deeply. They stay like that for a long moment, drinking in their fill of the other when the doors suddenly burst open.

“Lord Manes?” a Roman soldier questions. There are three others behind him and some of Alex’s servants hover in the doorway.

Alex untangles himself from Michael to stand and meet their gaze unwavering, “Yes?”

“Your father has been arrested for treason and implicated you. We need to take you away for questioning,” the first soldier says with an ugly sneer.

Michael’s heart skips a beat and he sits up on the chaise, tightly clutching at the blanket covering him.

“Very well,” Alex responds stoically and Michael cries out, “No!”

Alex gives Michael a soft look and steps over to touch Michael’s face briefly and Michael reaches up to hold it there, fear in his eyes. “Don’t worry, Michael. I’ll be back,” Alex promises and gently removes Michael’s hand from his own.

Alex meets the guards and allows them to place manacles around his wrists and they march him away. He looks back once to give Michael a reassuring smile and then he’s gone.

The servants come into the room with apologies to Michael that they tried to warn them but the soldiers just pushed their way in. Michael simply waves them off and asks one to bring him some clothes and another to listen out for any news.

The news comes days later. Years ago, when Alex was still under his father’s thumb, he was forced to help his father gather information on conquered cities of Rome that would be willing to stage a coup against the State. Jesse had just started moving on that information and gave up his son as one of his co-conspirators. Alex is executed for it. The house that he and Michael had lived in together is to be seized and given to loyal citizens of Rome.

Michael screams himself hoarse as he tears down all the portraits Alex had painted of him. They thought they had rid themselves of Jesse and his grip, it’s just like him to destroy their lives this way. He is drunk on wine, sobbing as he takes a knife to the portraits ruining them forever. Michael stumbles to the easel of the one Alex had been working on before he was taken away. It has just the outline of his own body, and his face looks so peaceful that it rips another sob out of him.

They’d only had five years together. It wasn’t enough time. It wasn’t enough.

  
  


_Tudor Era England_

Alex is born a bastard to an Earl and his mistress. He lives with his family until he’s ten years old and then he’s sent to a Duke’s estate to squire for the Duke’s son, Michael. The two grow up to become the closest of friends; they train, hunt, study, and play cards all in the company of the other. 

It feels inevitable that Alex falls in love with Michael. He’s never treated Alex as a lesser, he’s unbearably kind, smart, and generous. He is Alex’s best friend. He is, probably, the love of Alex’s life. But sodomy has just been criminalized in the country and Michael has never indicated more than friendship toward Alex so he keeps his love locked up.

When the Duke passes, the title goes to Michael and he is to be wed by the end of the year. Michael asks Alex to stand as his best man and Alex accepts the honor despite his heart cracking throughout the ceremony. Michael twirls the new Duchess around for their wedding dance and Alex wonders what it would be like to be held like that.

The years pass slowly for Alex. He remains Michael’s closest confidant, stands as godfather to his children, and hopelessly falls further in love with him.

Alex only allows himself to cry over it once, but doing so opens the floodgates. He’s choking on sobs and trying to catch his breath when Michael enters his quarters. “Alex?” he asks, shocked. “What’s wrong?”

Alex buries his face into his hands, trying to hide his shame. Michael sits next to him on the couch and puts an arm around him. He doesn’t say a word until Alex finally stops crying and his breath evens out. Michael squeezes his arm before dropping it away and Alex mourns the loss of contact. “What’s wrong, Alex?” Michael asks again, quietly.

He doesn’t look at Michael, “Surely you must know.”

Michael breathes in sharply, “Alex…” he begins.

“Don’t,” Alex snaps.

“I do love you, Alex,” Michael says anyway. “But I don’t love you like that. I cannot.”

A sob threatens to erupt again, but Alex squashes it away, “I know Michael. Really, I do.”

They sit together in silence before Michael breaks it by tentatively asking, “Can we still be friends?”

Alex finally looks over at Michael and gives him a watery smile. “Of course. Always.”

Time is cruel to Alex. The years continue to pass slowly for him and he’s blessed (cursed) with a long life. When death comes for him, Alex closes his eyes and thinks _finally_.

_Wild West America_

Alex’s tribe finds Michael wandering the forest alone when he’s seven. Michael cannot speak their language - or rather, doesn’t speak at all. He watches everyone with wide eyes and flinches anytime anyone gets too close. Alex’s mother volunteers to take Michael in to be raised as Alex’s brother. Michael relaxes around Alex and suddenly one day, he’s talking in full sentences as though he’s been talking the entire time.

Alex and Michael are sweet boys that grow inseparable. They join the men in hunting food for the tribe and life is good. But times are changing. More and more of their people are being run off their lands, killed when they try to defend it. They hear rumors of others getting violently ill and dying if they come in contact with the white men.

It frightens Alex, but Michael assures him they’ll be okay, that Michael will protect Alex. They love each other, words confessed at night when no one is around. They’ve shared a handful of kisses, but guilt and shame coils deeply in them. Everyone calls them brothers and they know brothers don’t love each other like this. So they limit themselves to fleeting touches, whispered forbidden words, and the public companionship of brotherhood.

Their tribe doesn’t have warriors, they’re a peaceful bunch, and so when the white men eventually show up, they don’t fight back. They weep as they give up their land but they try to assimilate with them. Michael, Alex, and a handful of other able-bodied men are recruited to be cowhands.

Michael and Alex ride out together to scout the area and it gives them a little more privacy, more opportunities to indulge in their affection without prying eyes. They take to the change easily enough. They don’t trust the white men but the white men don’t hurt them so they tolerate them.

One morning, Alex wakes with a headache and can barely get out of bed, so Michael tells him to stay in bed to rest and he’ll scout alone. When he gets back to their home, Alex is feverish and flushed. Michael gets the shaman to look in and they cover his body in wet cloths then the shaman burns healing herbs over Alex’s body.

Michael stays by Alex’s side through the night. He tosses and turns all night, restless and groaning in pain. When he awakes the next morning, he looks at Michael through bleary eyes and urges him to leave him so he doesn’t catch whatever Alex has. Michael embraces him and says he won’t leave.

Alex steadily gets worse. His fever spikes and he can’t keep anything down. He is incoherent and barely sleeps. Michael stays by his side, watching his love deteriorate before him. Their tribe members come to say goodbye to Alex and by the fifth day, he’s nearly wasted away completely. He can barely keep his eyes open but he looks at Michael a final time, a half-smile on his face, and gasps out that he loves Michael.

With tears in his eyes, Michael returns the sentiment and presses a kiss against Alex’s still lips. By this point, he is also extremely ill. He is weak and it hurts to move, but he pulls himself out of the chair and curls up next to Alex. He buries his head in the crook of Alex’s shoulder and tightly holds his lifeless body against his chest. 

Michael hopes Alex is at peace as he unbraids his long hair and tangles his fingers through it as he's always wanted to do. He places a gentle kiss on Alex’s jaw and hopes they will be reunited soon.

_Civil War Antar_

Rath’s name used to evoke feelings of fear and his enemies would cower from his reputation alone. But Antar has won the war, he returns to the Capitol, and the years mellow him out.

And so does meeting Alex. 

Alex is a low-level peer at court for the first time when Rath returns to Antar. He clearly does not care for the politics that come with life at Court. He talks with the “wrong” sort of people, he rarely voices his opinions but makes no effort to mask his feelings when he disagrees with the Crown, and no one would ever call him charming - always saying the wrong thing when he tries to flatter. 

Rath is entranced immediately.

He tries to court Alex, but they’re both so unpracticed that it’s a clumsy courtship. Rath has never had a lover, he’d been too busy fighting on the front lines for most of his life. Alex has never had anyone interested in him before so he doesn’t know what to do with the attention. He sends Rath’s gifts back unopened ( _"_ _Was this a mistake, General?”_ ) and stares at him in confusion when Rath asks him to dance.

Somehow, they stumble into a relationship and it’s good. Until it isn’t.

Antar is a war-mongering people and it’s been ten long years of peace. _Zan has grown complacent on the throne_ , they whisper, _Rath would hardly kill a fly these days_. It comes as no surprise when the South attacks the Capitol. Rath tries to send Alex away for his safety, but he will not go. The siege on the Capitol is brutal and their defenses fall too easily to the intruders.

Rath does his best to fight off as many of them as he can, but the years have indeed mellowed him. He is eventually captured and imprisoned in the Black Gate Tower. The Capitol falls swiftly after that. A woman emerges from the carnage, the mastermind of the attack, a ruthless soldier from the South, and crowns herself Queen Vilandra. She has Zan executed as one of her first acts as Queen to consolidate her power and Rath knows it’s only a matter of time before he meets the same fate.

Vilandra herself comes to visit Rath in his prison to inform him of his execution. “Rath, you were a mighty warrior and greatly respected by our people.” Vilandra tells him, “Out of courtesy to your once esteemed position, I give you the opportunity to say goodbye to the one who destroyed you.”

Rath sneers and starts to snarl something out but Vilandra is already gliding out before he can form the words and Alex is suddenly being pushed in. “Rath,” he cries and crosses to where the bars separate them. Rath clutches his hands tightly before Alex starts crying. “This is all my fault. I’ve ruined everything.”

“Never,” Rath denies vehemently, “Your love is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Alex shakes his head, “My love is costing you your life.”

“I would do it all again if it gave me more time with you,” Raths promises and Alex moans sadly at that. They meet through the bars, kissing each other deeply knowing this is the last time they ever will. When they part, Rath asks, “What are they going to do to you?”

“I don’t care. They’re already taking you away from me, what worse fate could they sentence me to?” Alex is still crying and Rath wipes the tears away.

They make Alex watch as they execute Rath. He is shackled to a chair and is wearing an iron collar to prevent him from looking away. Before the executioner’s ax comes down on him, Rath loudly proclaims, “I will never regret loving Alex. We will be together again,” before being silenced forever.

_Present Day Roswell_

Alex sits at the Wild Pony tightly holding his beer bottle, willing himself to keep his focus on Kyle and not let his gaze wander to where Michael and Maria are arguing. It’s been a month since they brought Max back, three since Michael and Maria started seriously dating, and five since Michael left Alex waiting outside his Airstream for hours.

He allowed himself to be angry at Michael and Maria for a month, but all the drama that ensued in bringing Max back blurred those lines. Secrets and necessity make for strange bed pairs and Alex set aside his anger, jealousy, and awkwardness to focus on the mission. Now, he and Maria have a stilted but amicable relationship, he’s not sure if they’ll ever recapture their old friendship and it makes him sad.

But Michael. They’ve become friends. They spiraled in their own ways and knew better than the rest of their friends what they were going through. They helped each other through it together. They work together, talk without the anticipation of more, and get to know each other. And it isn’t fair because it just makes Alex love Michael even more while he is seemingly content to be just friends.

But now he and Maria are arguing and that has to mean something doesn’t it?

Of course, it doesn’t, though. Even if they break up, there is no guarantee that Michael would even want to date Alex. They’ve gotten it wrong so many times before. Why would Michael want a relationship that would surely end in tragedy? He said it himself that he wanted something easy, someone who wasn’t connected to all the bad memories. And that was Alex - a lifetime and a half of bad memories.

Alex forces his attention back to Kyle who gives him a knowing look but thankfully doesn’t comment on his wandering attention. He doesn’t look at Michael and Maria for the rest of the night and he considers that a success.

When Alex pulls into the cabin a week later, Michael is sitting on the front porch, black Stetson pulled over his eyes, and Buffy snoozing on his lap. Alex quietly exits the car and pulls Michael’s hat up to meet his eyes. “Hey, Guerin.”

Michael smiles sleepily up at Alex, stretching a bit that it disturbs Buffy who huffs in annoyance and jumps off the couch to slink back into the cabin.

“What are you doing here?” Alex continues as he joins Michael on the bench.

“Maria and I broke up a couple days ago,” Michael starts, not meeting Alex’s gaze.

“Oh,” he says simply. “Sorry?” he offers up feebly.

Michael slants a look at Alex, slight amusement in his eyes before looking out again. “It was time. I think we both knew it for a long time, but when she started talking about taking trips together, I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

“The thought of traveling together broke your relationship up?” Alex asks in disbelief.

“No,” Michael barks out a laugh, “No. When I pictured going on trips it was always you by my side, seeing the mountains of Oregon, exploring the ruins of Rome --”

“Visiting England and your home planet,” Alex interrupts.

He looks surprised, “You too?”

“Sometimes I can picture us living lives there,” he confesses quietly.

Michael turns to face Alex, “I can too,” he whispers.

Alex shrugs, “It doesn’t matter. We’ve never been able to get it right.”

“It does matter, Alex,” Michael says quietly, “I don’t want to look back on my life and think we never had enough time together or for you to think I couldn’t love you. Because I do, Alex. I really do.”

“I love you too Michael. But my love has only ever hurt you,” Alex replies gloomily, looking at Michael’s left hand meaningfully.

He holds Alex’s hand carefully, “One more try, darlin’, let’s give it one more try. We’ve built a good foundation, it’s never going to be easy, but I don’t care as long as it’s with you.”

He has such an open face of hope, it takes Alex’s breath away. “Okay. One more try,” he promises with a smile. Michael returns it brightly and pulls Alex’s hand up to kiss his knuckles.

Alex pushes Michael’s curls out of his face and kisses him softly, gently, finally feeling like he’s at peace with Michael finally reunited at his side.


End file.
